There are some things that go good together, like pints of beer and summer patios. And conversely, there are things that don’t go so well together, like fellatio and family reunions. However, a new combo has just sprung up that to me seems like a no-brainer to never mix: videogames and religion.

I am referring to the Left Behind: Eternal Forces real-time strategy game that’s coming out sometime this year (this is the most well-known example, but certainly not the only one). Here’s the basic shtick of the game: the Christian apocalypse has come, and amongst those who weren’t called away by the Rapture, it’s a been-there-done-that war between Christian Good and Secular/non-Christian Evil. A fight, I might add, which rages in the streets of New York City (a little tasteless a locale for massive destruction, don’t you think?). You can control either side (in multiplayer; the single-player’s strictly on the side of “Good”), and amass forces to destroy the other, and save their souls or take them or something. Much like many religious texts, the LB:EF website is vague and easily misread.

Were it not for the whole religion issue surrounding this game (this hardly merits the term “controversy”), it would probably be dismissed as a second-rate RTS destined to be S&F’ed (Shipped & Forgotten). The concept of Humans vs. Demons-From-Christian-Hell is an old, tired theme in videogames, and LB:EF would be seen as uninspired were it not for the book franchise behind it. The Left Behind series of books is especially popular amongst Christians, for obvious reasons. Much of the debate around the books comes from the fact that it has a fairly absolutist vision of the apocalypse: You accept Christ as your savior, you go to Heaven. You don’t, you go to Hell. Of course, I’m not here to debate the theological issues this raises (Do mentally handicapped people who can’t consciously understand the concept of Christ as their savior go to Hell? How about dogs?). This article is about religion in the videogame community. Sorry, “this column”. There was really nothing involved here that a journalist would call “journalism”. Perhaps “regurgitation” would be a more fitting word.

(Before continuing though, I would like to point out an aspect of the game that troubles me. The two sides in LB:EF are called the Tribulation Forces and the Global Community Peacekeepers. The villains? The Peacekeepers, which I found surprising when that meant the good guys had the ominous-sounding name of the Tribulation Forces. This twisting of words that can have positive meanings (“community” and “peacekeepers”) is a disgusting example of the manipulation of language. It is less suited to a popular novel series, and more fitting in the Newspeak Dictionary, 10^th Edition—I doubt Messers. LaHaye and Jenkins, the Left Behind authors, will get that reference.)

Okay, enough bashing of the Left Behind books and games (and enough asides hidden in brackets…I’m told it is sloppy writing). However, my dislike of this franchise proves a point: Religion polarizes. People have strong feelings about various religions, both pro and con, and those feelings and opinions can be equally valid, so long as they aren’t based in simple-minded bigotry or hatred. But ask yourself this: do we want this shit to start appearing in videogames?

The truth is that religion and videogames simply don’t make sense together because of who plays them. Videogamers are, in my experience a relatively secular bunch, at least in how they behave when dealing with one another. In on-line messaging and conversations, the general rule is that religion is not a good thing to bring up. Amongst gamers the issue of race and religion are generally ignored. I don’t know if that jackass sniping me from his camping spot is black, white, Asian or Latino, or if he’s Christian, Muslim or Jew, and I don’t care. I want him out of that camping spot, not to debate the nature of a deity who is beyond our knowing and yet continually insist we comprehend.

As a community, we need to keep videogames secular in attitude. If we don’t, what comes next? The Sims 3: Muslimania? Hassidic Summer Beach Volleyball? Buddhist Xtreme Biking? And those are the joke examples I can list here without touching on some very topical, unpleasant situations. Yes, I am aware of the irony of mocking a religion to promote respect for religions, but I’m trying to make a point. You see, not only would games along that line insult various people’s faiths, it cheapens the faith that the game purports to side with by turning it into a simple, disposable product. Also, religion divides, and we need to keep the videogame communities tight, in order to ensure that ideas and suggestions are listened to by the developers: fifty thousand gamers complaining can change the market; fifty isolated ideas will always be ignored.

Anyways, my basic message is this: don’t buy games that use a people’s religion as a selling point. It’s crass, cheap and disrespectful to all involved (yourself included if you buy them), and will cause more problems for videogames as whole. Don’t refuse to buy a game simply because it has a Christian, Muslim or Jewish character, but don’t buy a game that relies on lazy caricatures of those faiths or liberal secularists; can’t forget about us—er, them. (Dammit Monsignor, practice some of the objectivity that’s set the high standard in videogame journalism!)

The Monsignor (Ironic name, no?)

PS: Okay, okay…I would actually pay money for Buddhist Xtreme Biking.